LIFE IN A FIJIAN VILLAGE:
THE STRUGGLE OF SELF AND COMMUNITY
by Megan Lee

Chapter 4
The Life Cycle

Chapter 4

Birth

Birthdays

Marriage

A Bulubulu Ceremony

Death

Themes from Life History Interviews

Birth

Having children and starting a family is highly valued in Fijian society. The inability to conceive children may be problematic to a couple's marriage and to their relationship with the mataqali. Should a woman hide her pregnancy, she may become a danger to others. The presence of a woman who is hiding a pregnancy around someone who is ill or sickly may worsen the person's condition to the point of death. It is said that an owl hooting outside a house between the hours of six and nine p.m. indicates that there is a pregnant woman living in or around the house.

During the first few months of a woman's pregnancy she should rest and not perform strenuous physical labor. During her second and third trimester she may return to her normal household duties. During the eighth month of her pregnancy she should cut her hair very short. Once the baby is born, she may not cut her hair for as little as three months or as long as one year. Her hair cannot be cut again until it is obvious that the baby is strong and healthy.

The birth of a couple's first child is highly anticipated by the mataqali and community. Many people hope their first child will be male, as boys are highly valued within the society. Today most mothers give birth in the hospital. The child's father is allowed to see the baby in the hospital but once it is brought back to the village he may not see him for four nights. The first four nights after the baby is brought to the village are spent with the child's grandmothers, both paternal and maternal. The mother is not allowed to carry the child for these four nights. The grandmothers take turns carrying the child through the night; he is not put down until the end of the fourth night. After the fourth night, the women turn the child's care over to his mother. The father is now allowed to see and hold the child. Traditionally, on the fourth night, a ceremony known as bogiva (literally "fourth night") is held to welcome the child into the family and also to present the child to its maternal grandparents. The birth of a child brings together the two mataqali and should work to strengthen the bond between them that was created by the marriage of the woman into her husband's group. Bogiva is usually only performed for the first born child, indicating that it is the first child that creates the bond between the two groups, and once it has been established it is not necessary to reconfirm at the birth of every child. This illustrates the way the life cycle rituals are concerned as much with the groups as they are with the individual undergoing the ritual. It is also at the bogiva ceremony that the child is named. A member of either side of the family calls the name of the child. Usually the child is named after a member of his father's family but it is not completely uncommon for a child to be named from his mother's side.

When the child's umbilical cord falls off it is important to dispose of it in the proper way. If the cord is simply thrown away, the child may grow up to be badly behaved and cause problems for his parents. When the umbilical cord falls off, it is common to dig a hole and bury it and then plant a tree over it. The planting of a tree works to assert the child's place as a member of the family and mataqali. The trees roots may symbolize the child's roots within the community, saying that this is his home and he is a part of the community.

The visitation of other family members and villagers to see the newborn child is known as roqoroqo. It is customary for people to bring presents for the child the first time they come to see him. Friends and distant relatives may bring small items such as clothing and baby powder or soaps while close family may bring larger items such as furniture or appliances. My "nephew" received a television from one of his momo when he came to visit him for the first time.

Kau na mata ni gone is the presentation of the child to his vasu (mother's people). This can be done at any time after the birth of the child. The father's mataqali prepares offerings to the mother's village. They present tabua and yaqona to the mother's people and in return the mother's people prepare a feast for the father's side. Again, this works to reemphasize the fact that the child is a bond between the two groups. It is also used as an opportunity to thank the mother's mataqali for giving the woman to her husband's family in order to bear children for the continuation of the mataqali.

Birthdays

Most birthdays are not celebrated in Fijian society. However, there are some that have special significance in the life cycle and are celebrated. The first birthday of the first born child is often celebrated. Both sides of the family come together to celebrate the child. The father's side will bring mats that the child sits on during the feast and celebration, and then afterwards the mother's side takes them away and distributes them amongst themselves. Again, this illustrates the focus on the different groups and not the individual. The father's side makes offerings to the mother's side but there are no offerings made solely to the child.

The child's hair is usually not cut before his first birthday and this is often done at the celebration feast. Additionally, if the mother has not cut her hair since the birth of the baby, her hair will be cut as well. Some families celebrate the first birthday of all their children with a feast and some celebrate all birthdays with a smaller gathering. As one mother explained, "It is important to celebrate their birthdays so they will have something to look forward to and they will know that we love them." This woman's comment illustrates the way these rituals always remind the individual that he/she is embedded in a community of loving relatives who want to care for him or her. Every year this family celebrates their five children's birthday by inviting all of the village children for a feast and ice cream. This is not common in the village, but some families do celebrate each of their children's birthdays. The fact that this practice is relatively unusual illustrates the way rituals are less concerned with celebrating the individual as they are with reaffirming the relationship between groups.

The sixteenth and twenty-first birthdays are also important and may be celebrated. These birthdays are important in English tradition and are often celebrated. The twenty-first birthday is known as the "kiss of life." It is often at this birthday that the family will give their son or daughter a key to their home. This symbolizes that he or she is now free to leave the family and start his own family but that he is also always welcome in his family's home and can return to it at any time. Again these birthdays are marked with large feasts and the gathering of both sides of the family. This relatively new ritual, that is not practiced by all families, may indicate a shift to greater concern with the autonomous individual.

Marriage

Fijian marriage was traditionally arranged by the man's parents and senior members of his mataqali. The selection of a suitable wife was often made based upon the relationship that could be created between her mataqali and that of the husband upon their marriage. As Ravuvu states, "Marriage was not just a union of two individuals, it was also the 'marriage' of the two groups, who thereby became socially and economically related to one another" (1983: 45). The marriage did not focus on the husband and wife but on the groups to which they belonged. The woman and man were used as tools to foster the social relations between the two groups. For a man and woman to marry from two groups that had no previous social or economic relationship was uncommon. Marriage was often used to reinforce a tie between two groups that had been united by a marriage several generations past.

Once a potential wife had been selected, the man's parents would approach the woman's and present them with their offer of marriage, accompanied by yaqona and several tabua. The woman usually had little choice as to whether she would marry him or not, she could not disobey her parents and refuse the man. Her public acceptance of the marriage was only symbolic. Should she refuse to marry the selected man, great shame would be brought to her family and they would have to present twice as many tabua to his family as had originally been offered to them. Marriage was often arranged between first cousins, tavale, and although this practice is virtually non-existent today, husbands and wives are often still related in some more distant way.

Arranged marriages are rarely practiced today. "Love" marriages are becoming much more common in which the husband and wife choose to marry, often ignoring the traditional ceremonies that were previously involved. Elopement is common today; the girl often simply arrives at her husband's home and takes up residence with them. However, elopement is known to cause problems between the families of the couple and create tensions between the wife and her in-laws. Even though the traditional marriage ceremonies have not been performed, the marriage is still a union between the two groups. The husband's family may feel ashamed that the traditional marriage practices were not followed but do not have the necessary funds to appeal to the wife's family and ask for forgiveness. In an elopement, the husband and wife are often only legally married and never perform the traditional ceremonies. The only ceremony that is usually performed is the bulubulu, in which the women returns to her village with her husband's people in order to apologize for taking her from her family. Bulubulu means "to bury," and the ceremony is performed in order to reconcile the differences between the two families and forget the wrongs committed by the husband by "stealing" his wife from her family and home. This ceremony is costly and often is not performed until years after the marriage has taken place, depending on when the husband's family has the funds available to perform the ceremony. However, the woman cannot return to her original village until this ceremony is performed.

Although the marriage is focused on the bonding of the two groups as one, there is also a more individual focus on the couple. Following the marriage ceremony, the tevutevu is performed in which both the husband's and wife's families present them with mats, furniture, and other household items for them to begin their own home and family. These items emphasize the fact that although they are part of a larger group to which they are responsible, they are also now a separate and independent family.

Neglecting to perform the bulubulu may create bad feelings between families that otherwise may not have existed. The woman's family may not in actuality be upset that their daughter has married into the mataqali, but failure to perform the bulubulu can create hostility towards her husband's group. As one woman explained, "If my husband's parents do not perform the ceremony, my parents will look down on them. They will say, they did it for that one, and that one, but they cannot do it for me, and they will be angry at them." Therefore, the husband's family tries to perform this ceremony as soon as possible.

A Bulubulu Ceremony

Bulubulu are expensive and often very involved. At a ceremony I attended in which the husband's family made a four hour bus trip to the wife's village in the interior of the island, an excess of both traditional and modern gifts was presented to the family of the wife. The man's groups made several large offerings of yaqona and presented fifteen tabua to the wife's group as well as two large pieces of masi. Additionally, they presented almost fifty drums of kerosene and four bolts of material.

The entire mataqali was involved in preparing for the bulubulu. The week prior to the trip was spent in preparation, collecting tabua and the other items necessary for the presentations and sevusevu. The mataqali is originally from Malake Island. There are five families in the village who belong to the mataqali, three of whom are the sons of the parents who came from Malake, the other is the husband for whom the bulubulu was being offered. Each family within the mataqali gave what they could, in the form of money or tabua or kerosene. When the members of the mataqali could not produce enough, they appealed to the other mataqali in the village for help in collecting the necessary funds. Some of those who contributed from other mataqali are wives who were originally part of the Malake mataqali but had married into other mataqali. For example, my family gave a large sum of money to buy kerosene because my nana is from Malake but has married into mataqali Dawadiogio; the Malake mataqali was her original mataqali. However, others who are not related also contributed to the cause. One family who is from the Dawadiogio mataqali and not related to the Malake mataqali contributed a drum of kerosene and some money. To thank the other mataqali for their contributions to their cause, they at some point will prepare a feast for them. Because more than fifty family members attended the event, they also hired a bus for the day to transport them to and from the ceremony. Members of both the husband's and the wife's side from Naivuvuni attended the event. About the same number of people from each family traveled on the bus; however, there were a number of high ranking men from Malake and the husband's side because they came from Malake to attend the bulubulu.

Upon arrival at the wife's village, the women of the wife gathered in one house and the men of the husband congregated in another. The men then began the presentation. The men of the wife's group were gathered in yet another house and the husband's group went there to begin the ceremonies. The men of the wife's group began by presenting a welcoming sevusevu to the men of the husband's group.

The central aspect of all rite of passage ceremonies is the sevusevu. A sevusevu is a presentation of yaqona by one group to another as an offering of acceptance and understanding. Often, as in the case of this bulubulu, other nontraditional items are also presented. The sevusevu and items presented during it are used to show respect to the receiving group. The sevusevu is performed on any number of occasions, to honor and welcome or say good-bye to guests, when appealing to a group for help with a specific task, and at all rite of passage ceremonies. The sevusevu serves to bring two groups together as one for a distinct purpose. The offering of yaqona by one group and then a return offering works to unite the groups socially. The items are not exchanged for their economic value, as the exchange would likely be equal, but for their social value. These exchanges "are symbolic of the recognition and honour one pays the other person. The value and amount of the gifts being exchanged are symbolic of the social status of the giver and the recipient, and the attitude and feeling each has towards the other" (Ravuvu 1983: 11).

Most sevusevu follow the same basic pattern. The sevusevu is presented by a representative of the highest ranking man present. If this man is the chief, as in this case, he may not speak himself but through a spokesman. He, through his spokesman, will begin by welcoming the visitors to the village and thanking them for coming. He may continue with words of good health for both the groups and the hope that the crop will be plentiful. He will then present his purpose; in the case of the bulubulu there were many sevusevu by both groups. Each group made presentations to the other to thank them for coming and allowing them to enter the village, and for taking the woman as a wife and member of their group. The husband's group asked to be forgiven for taking the woman from her home and her family. There was a presentation from the head of the wife's mataqali, who is her father's brother, to the head of Naivuvuni village. He first thanked the Tui Navitilevu, and then the head of the Malake mataqali, neither of whom were present, and then the rest of the Malake mataqali for returning the wife to her original village. This reinforces the fact that this ceremony focused on the two groups rather than on the individuals in that the heads of both the villages and mataqali present to each other and the most closely related family members do not.

During this sevusevu, there was also a presentation to the ancestor spirits, or the vu. Although almost all Fijians are Christian, these spirit gods are still influential in the culture. They are "part and parcel of the mortal world, watching over, guiding and controlling peoples' activities and all other earthly things" (Ravuvu 1983: 85). The vu were presented with a tabua and asked to help the wife conceive because the couple does not have any children.

The return sevusevu was made by the wife's mother's brother, who lives in Naivuvuni. He began by thanking the wife's people for calling the vu and also hoped that they would soon have children. He then reintroduced the wife to her family even though she wasn't present at the time. He spoke about the family and the village where she grew up, her parents and their relations. He also asked that there would be no fighting between the groups and that they may be able to come together and cooperate with each other in the future in all endeavors they may have to undertake.

In another sevusevu, the same man from the wife's group who had presented the first sevusevu, opened the road between the two villages, so that they may travel to see each other often and enjoy good relations between the two villages. The husband's family was now welcome in the village at any time and was asked to come visit with them often.

There was no return sevusevu after this but instead the wife entered the house wrapped in masi bark cloth, trailing two bolts of material in a train behind her. She also had a tabua around her neck. She knelt before her father and presented these to him, although she did not speak. Her father spoke, telling her that if for any reason she could no longer stay in her husband's village she could return to his village. There is land there and she would be able to stay for as long as she liked. He then presented a tabua to her mother's brother, and "gave" the wife to the husband's people, saying that she was now a part of their mataqali and no longer a part of his clan. He asked that if she does something wrong they forgive her and his people. This stresses the fact that although the emphasis of the bulubulu, and all rite of passage ceremonies, is on the groups involved, it also reassures the individual that he or she is embedded in a community of caring relatives. Even though she has now become a part of her husband's group, she is also still cared for and loved by her own people. Although the emphasis is on the relationship between the two groups, it is made apparent that the individual is cared for by loving members of both groups. This is further reinforced by the fact that she then made the same presentation of tabua, masi and material to her mother's brother. These presentations to both her father's and mother's sides indicate that both sides are responsible for producing the woman. It also visualizes the change of her role as she left one group and became a member of the other. She made the presentation first to her father, a representative of the old group, and then reentered the house and made the presentation to her new group, the group with which her responsibilities now lie. She then sat with the members of her husband's group.

The bulubulu ceremony, like most Fijian rite of passage ceremonies, did not focus on the married couple. There was no recognition of the two of them as husband and wife. The husband was not involved in the ceremony in any way. The ceremony focused on the relationship between the two groups, not between the married couple. This was obvious in the speeches made during the sevusevu. The sevusevu focused on "opening the road" between the two groups, welcoming the visitors to the village, and establishing good relations between the groups so that they may be able to work together in the future for the good of both the groups. The older members of the husband's mataqali made all the presentations; the husband had no role in the ceremony itself.

Although traditional marriages are becoming less common today, the marriage of two individuals is also the marriage of the two groups to which they are related. This is illustrated by the fact that, although the traditional marriage ceremonies are not held for couples who elope, the bulubulu ceremony is still held. This is done in order to establish the relations between the two groups and reconcile any differences that may have occurred between them as a result of the non-traditional union of the husband and wife.

Death

In the event of a death, people come together to mourn their loss and in so doing again reaffirm the bonds between them. The commemoration of a death is not only a religious occasion but also a social one. Death works to reemphasize the connection between different groups by bringing kinsmen and friends together to mourn the deceased on not only one but five different occasions. The death is commemorated at the burial ceremony and again ten, fifty and one hundred days after the death as well as one year later. As in other ceremonies, the groups of both the mother's and father's side are brought together.

If the deceased has moved from his original village, the body is returned to it, for that is where he will be buried. Once the body has arrived in the village, the burial may be postponed for a few days in order to allow relatives who are traveling the opportunity to reach the village. Although the body is usually buried in the father's village, it is the mother's people, or vasu, who are responsible for burying the dead. Before the body is buried, it is often displayed for the women of both groups to pay their final respects. The women take turns gathering in the room where the body has been laid and wail in high pitched shrieks. Today, last rites are conducted by the minister in a church service after the mother's group has prepared the body for burial. They also dig the grave and bury the body of the deceased. The two sides of the family exchange mats and tabua. A large portion of these are usually given to those who are vasu to the deceased.

On the fourth and tenth nights after the death, a feast is usually held in remembrance and mourning for the dead. The mother's and father's side again join together to mourn. Because these ceremonies are held so closely following the funeral, it is not usually possible for relatives from distant places to travel to the village again, so these feasts are usually small, with only close relatives attending.

The first one hundred nights after the death are marked by a series of tabu (taboos) upon the relatives of the deceased. The men of both sides usually refrain from shaving for the first hundred nights. The wife and other women closely related to the deceased often wear black clothing or ribbons attached to their clothes. If the deceased is male, his wife is not allowed to cut her hair for one hundred nights. Additionally, close relatives may refrain from eating the foods the dead person ate just before he died. For example, in Naivuvuni last year, there was a teenage girl who died when she fell from a carrier. She was on her way home from buying yaqona and cigarettes when she jumped from the carrier because it did not stop where it should have and she was killed. The men in her close family did not take yaqona or cigarettes for one hundred nights following her death. The women did not drink tea, nor did they eat biscuits or butter, because those were the last things she ate before she died. Placing tabu on certain activities and foods helps to bring the community together to mourn the loss of a loved one. The hardships of mourning are spread to an extended group of people who show their support for the immediate family by sharing in their grief.

It is the mother's group that decides what the tabu will be for the one hundred nights. There are often other tabu during the first one hundred nights. When one hundred nights have passed and the tabu can be lifted, the family will gather again for a feast and to symbolically lift the tabu together. At a one hundred nights ceremony I attended in the village of Vitawa, the chosen tabu had been a fishing area. The mother's people chose an area just outside the village that could not be fished in for one hundred nights. Boats were also tabu from entering this area. They marked the area by placing a stick wrapped in material on the beach at each end of designated area. On the day of the hundredth night, the people from the mother's side came to Vitawa from Vunitogoloa, where they live. The woman who died was from originally from Vunitogoloa. Many of the women on the mother's side have married into the yavusa in Vitawa. Although they live in Vitawa now, at the ceremony they represented their original village of Vunitogoloa. The men of the mother's side arrived and performed a sevusevu to the father's side. The sevusevu lifted the tabu on the fishing area. Once the tabu had been lifted, the women from the mother's group fished in the previously tabu area and then presented the fish they caught to the father's group. In return, the father's group presented six bolts of material to the mother's group. They had also killed two cows in their honor.

At ceremonies commemorating someone's death, the relationship between the mother's and father's groups is emphasized. By presenting these items to each other, they are restating the bond that was created between them by the now deceased person and affirming that the relationship will continue even in the absence of this person. This reaffirms the fact that it is not the individual that is important but the relationship the person creates between the two groups.

Exits and entrances from one social position or role to another are marked by a series of rite of passage ceremonies. These ceremonies work to reemphasize the relationship between the different groups to which a person belongs. The emphasis of these ceremonies is not on the individual but focuses on the groups, while at the same time fostering a sense of belonging and care for the individual as a member of the groups.

Although all people face social obligations to their family, the ways in which these responsibilities are reflected within an individual's life are expressed differently for each of them. Even though each individual's personal experiences are different, the same basic patterns are apparent. For example, the lives of women follow the same pattern as they move from one social position to another; as they change from being children to married women and mothers. This is illustrated in the stories of three women living in the village.

Themes from Life History Interviews

In casual life history interviews, the three women shared their experiences as they grew up, faced marriage, and became mothers. The first is a young single mother whom I'll call "Buna". Her story focused on the ways in which her life changed when she became a mother and now revolves around not herself, but her young son. A second woman I refer to as "Nau". Over the course of the last two years, has eloped and moved to her husband's village, been legally married and become a mother to a baby girl. The last woman, "Mere", is in her early to mid thirties and has been married for twelve years. She is the mother of five children, the eldest of whom is eleven years old. The satisfaction and contentment she feels mothering and nurturing her children is obvious in the way that she describes her role as a mother.

Children raised in the village are free to roam and play. They are welcome in any home and are cared for and raised not only by their immediate family but by the entire village, particularly members of their mataqali. In the village they are brought up to know that they are being loved and nurtured by the entire group to which they belong. This is quite different for children who are raised in cities and urban areas. Buna explained how growing up in Lautoka was a very different experience from what children living in the village are exposed to. She says, "It's a different way for the kids who are brought up in the village and the ones who live in town because in the village they do whatever they like, they can go wherever they want to. It's not like the people in the city, they just mind their own business."

Not only is growing up in the city more expensive than living in the village, but it isolates families from each other and children are not exposed to being cared for as part of a larger group. This nurturing attitude that children experience is apparent in birthday celebrations. Mere explained that she felt loved and cared for as a child and teenager because her parents celebrated her birthday each year. While not all families celebrate every birthday, her parents felt that it was important to let each of their children know they loved them by celebrating their birthday each year. Her father's family lived in the village she grew up in the Lau Group but her mother's family would travel from Suva for each of her and her sibling's birthdays. This illustrated to them that they were cared for and celebrated not only as members of both groups but also as individuals, since the celebration focused on the children and not the groups. She said the loving and nurturing she felt as a child has helped her be a good mother to her own children.

While they are young, children have few social obligations to their families except that they are expected to be obedient and respect their elders. This may create a situation in which children have some amount of freedom to do what they like. It is also possible, however, for children to feel constrained by this role. As Nau explained, she was given little freedom by her parents as a child. There is pressure on parents to be good citizens and members of the community and their status is often reflected in the behavior and actions of their children. As a result, parents are sometimes very strict with their children in order to ensure that they are being reflected upon in a positive way by the community. Nau sees this as one of the biggest problems in Fijian culture, because it is often reflected in the fact that parents abuse their children, both mentally and physically. When she was young she was abused by her stepfather. When she felt that her life was being too restrained by him, she left his home and lived with her real father. Until the time she left home and married, he abused her as well. He did not allow her to go out with her friends or to participate in activities outside of school. He wanted her to focus solely on her schoolwork so that his position in the community would be reflected through her achievements. Her father was so repressive that she found herself wishing that she "had never been born into this world." Eventually, as a way to escape the continuing abuse and confinement she felt living with her father, she eloped and came to live in Naivuvuni with her husband's family. Although she now has different responsibilities in her new social role as a wife, she feels her life is improving because she has found a good husband who does not abuse her.

As women near adulthood and begin to leave the role of "child," they are faced with new social pressures and expectations as they face pressure to marry. Although young married couples are often still considered to be children, by marrying they move into a new social role. As adults, there is a higher expectation that they will contribute to the community by performing specific tasks and duties. Many young women feel constrained at this time in their life and are often unhappy with their position in the culture. When they marry, young women become responsible to a new group of people. They often feel constrained by the new responsibilities they face to this group, a group that they are technically a part of but do not yet feel a part of. Nau said although she no longer feels constrained by her parents, she is now repressed by her husband's family and the role she is expected to play as a member of that group. She explained, "Once you get married you can't go out and have fun with your friends anymore. You have to stay home and take care of the kids and cook and clean and do whatever your husband says."

However, marrying can also offer a sense of independence and autonomy for a young woman in that she is now starting her own family and may have her own home. As Mere explained, during the tevutevu ceremony both families brought furniture, blankets, mosquito nets, lanterns and other household items for her and her husband to start their own home. She said, "This was the last time my family would provide for me. They brought me everything to start my own house and family."

It is expected that women will marry sometime in their twenties. Buna, who is a twenty-seven year old single mother, said she felt pressure to marry before her son was born and when he was a baby. She says, "It's good for me to be single and then to get married and start a family. But now that he is born, starting a family is not good." She herself also wanted to marry during this period because as she says, "It was a very hard time for me." But as her son has grown and she has raised him as a single parent, she thinks that "there is no use in being with a man. I can manage to look after him by myself. If I were to marry there would be someone bossing me around. And I don't want anyone to do that to me." As a single mother and a twenty-seven year old, she is not expecting to get married.

Being a mother is a central aspect of a woman's life, and women come to experience their roles more positively when they become mothers. Perhaps this is because they feel they are making a contribution to the community which they will be valued for. All three women focused their own life stories around their relationship with their children. Bearing children is important in Fijian society because the continuation of the social structure and patriarchal nature of the society depends on male children, and it is women's role to produce progeny. Motherhood also gives these women a sense of purpose in their lives as they feel they have the ability to love and nurture new life. Even though children are raised and shaped by the entire community, there is also a special bond between a mother and her children that gives meaning to women's lives as mothers. Nau says that she is proud to bring up the first of her in-law's grandchildren, showing the importance of supporting the social structure and her role as a woman by procreating. She also says that her daughter "makes the marriage bond between my husband and me stronger." As Buna explained, having children changes a woman's life and gives it purpose because they are valued for the contribution they are making to the community. She says,

Before he [her son] was born, I just used to sleep in the daytime. I didn't worry about cooking and washing, just sleeping. But then he was born and I changed my life. My sleeping -- I can't sleep in the daytime. I am always worrying about him. I worry about his food, I worry about his clothes, I worry about the house. There are heaps of things in my mind, like I know there are heaps of things to do for him and the day is very short for me. Now I am buying time when before it didn't matter. But I miss him when he is gone for a single hour. When he is schooling or when he goes to my sister for holiday or to his father's family, I miss him a lot.

This love and caring for children is expressed through the extension of traditional life cycle events in Mere's family. She and her husband celebrate all five of their children's birthdays each year. Although the first birthday is the most important, particularly for the first born child, they celebrate each birthday with a small party and feast. The children invite all of the village children and they have lunch and ice cream together. She says that it is important to celebrate their birthdays so they will know that their parents love and care for them and also so they will know how to care for their own children and will see the importance in continuing Fijian traditions. They also have a party at the end of each school year to celebrate the children's accomplishments. Mere feels that it is not only important for her to love her children, but for them to know how much she loves them in order for them to love their own children.

Having children is also important so that there will be someone to care for the women as they get older. Children cannot refuse their parents in Fijian society. Mere wants her children to appreciate the things that she and her husband do for them so that when they are older they will help and care for them. Buna says that even though raising her son by herself is sometimes difficult, she is "thinking of the future." She does not think that she will ever marry so "it's good to have a kid to look after me when I am old. By having my own baby, I can ask him and he will never refuse me. No matter what I say to him, even if it's sharp or cold, he will never refuse it 'cause he knows I am his mother."

Women's lives are dictated by their position in the social structure. However, they have found ways, by having their own home and raising children, to find personal fulfillment within the highly structured society.

On to Chapter 5...