SINGLE MOTHERS IN FIJIAN SOCIETY:
SURVIVING AGAINST THE ODDS
by Apryle Pickering

Chapter 2
Fijian Attitudes Toward Single Mothers

The steady rise in the number of single mothers has been a pressing issue in Fijian society and one that defies traditional norms. Due to strict family values and a patrilineally based society, single mothers in Fiji have few outlets for support. In this chapter, I will discuss the reasons for this, as well as evaluate their role in society. First of all, their predicament falls outside the bounds of what is acceptable in Fijian society and brings great disrespect to the family. In Fiji women are supposed to marry either by choice or by traditional arrangement before they have children. The fact that more and more women today are having children at such a young age and before they are married opposes traditional Fijian values. The attitudes toward these women are visible in everyday life and in casual conversation. The older women in the villages have developed a strict set of standards for the younger girls, and when a girl defies those standards, often she is treated with disrespect and becomes the focus of village gossip. Another reason for the lack of support is the patrilineal bias of the traditional way of life. Because Fijians have such a strong sense that children represent the future of their father's patriline, a man may be reluctant to raise another man's child. Often when a woman remarries, her children are subject to physical and emotional abuse. Lastly, I will discuss the negative impact of economic pressures and how these women must ultimately depend on their families for support. Single mothers in Fijian society have endured many financial burdens; however, they have still managed to overcome these hardships and survive a society with values that oppose their condition.

A bad decision such as having a child when you are not married will bring great disrespect to the family. Often times due to the humiliation that will come to the parents, a young girl may try to hide her pregnancy from her family as well as the other members of the village. One women explained that she tried to hide her whole pregnancy for fear that her parents would not let her live there if they found out. Another young girl did not tell her parents for the first six months of her pregnancy and still has not told the father of the baby; the baby is now one year old. She did believe, however, that people in the village still knew and talked about her in a negative manner behind her back. I have found that when the young women finally had the nerve to tell their parents, the parents were somewhat understanding, and all the women that I interviewed still live with their parents today. The replies of the parents were often of disappointment, but they always showed their love for their children. Their first comments when they heard the information from their children were, "I love you, that is all I can say," or "All girls make mistakes." This is one aspect of Fijian society that works to the favor of single mothers. Although the actions of their daughters have brought them great humiliation and financial burden, families are still willing to help care for the child in some cases and help them any way they are able.

One woman's view on single mothers was as follows: "Some mothers, when they have children out of marriage, they are shy to go out of the house. They are living in a very small place with narrow-minded people, it is hard with the people living so close to you and judging what you do. In the city the people do not care what you do, the gossip only happens in the village." I found this particularly interesting because it reminded me of the gossip chains that have grown up in college life as well. When living amongst so many other people it is hard to hide your misfortunes, and often they are the focus of the next day's conversations. Many times these young single mothers admitted to being talked about in a negative manner. One woman stated, "People said that I should not be pregnant because I just stayed at home." Fijian women often acquire no jobs and are supposed to be responsible when staying at home with their parents. Other women said that they know they are the topic of conversation, but the members of the village try hard to hide it from them. This way they are unsure of what is being said and it does not affect their life as much. In these cases the single mothers in a village bond together and are able to offer soothing advice to each other such as, "Why do you want to get shy to all these people because they do not know what you want in your life. As long as your parents love you and the child, that is all that matters."

In the case of a widowed woman with children, the other members of the village have distinct opinions as well. Most women believe that when you are a widow you should remarry as soon as possible so that the children are able to grow up with a father and be set financially. This, however, is rather difficult in Fijian society because many men are unwilling to take another man's children into their home and will not treat them with respect. Women also are being introduced to the possibility of raising their children alone, but are unable to do this if they are in any way financially unstable. One widow that I talked with told me how the other women in the village are consistently telling her to remarry, but she is very content with her life and does not like the pressure they are placing upon her. She stated, "I am not worried about growing old by myself. The rest of the village tells me that I have time to look for someone else and insist that I remarry, but I tell them that I do not need a husband right now, and my children will look after me when I am older."

The growing problem of single mothers abandoning their children and leaving them with other family members is also an issue that Fijians face today. I had an extensive interview with a woman who was caring for her husband's daughter's child, and she gave great insight into the issue. The daughter of her husband had given birth to a child out of wedlock. The young mother was finding it difficult to support her baby, and there was no one to take care of her while she was working, so she asked her father to take the baby in. The woman in the interview gave her strong opinion on the fact that many young mothers are leaving their kids with the grandparents. She stated, "No, I do not think that it is ok for mothers to leave and give their children to family members to care for. In Fiji they just have their kids and dump them onto their parents, that's the normal way." She also stated, however, that many young women in Fiji have no other options, "In some households there is nobody to support them, that is a problem, so most of the single mothers have to go out of town and look for a job. They have no other choice than to leave their children with their parents." She too had a child when she was young and gave it to her sister to raise in Suva, a larger city.

Fijian society is not similar to the West in that Western women are able to leave their families, maintain a job as well as raise a child. Granted it is difficult for any woman to do this, but in Fiji there are very few jobs available, and often if you were to keep a job as a young mother you would never be able to make enough money to support yourself and a child. This is where it is crucial to have the support of the woman's family. As the interviewee stated, "You Europeans (including Americans) are able to move out of your parents' house when you are eighteen and get a job to support yourself. In Fiji you often have to remain with your parents until you are forty." This presents the problem of the financial stability of the family. With the added child the family often has to struggle to feed everyone and are unable to afford any access to materials that they could live without. This was the case with many of the women that I interviewed; although they were able to remain with their parents, they were in debt to them financially, and the possibility of ever moving out on their own was impossible even though this may have been what they really wanted. One woman explained, "I would rather move to the city with my son and out of the house of my parents. There is nothing for me to do here and I would be much happier somewhere else, but I cannot afford to leave."

Often times the women choose not to ask the father of their child for money either. They are afraid that the father may try to take the baby away from them or present a problem in their raising the child alone. Most of the women that I talked with saw the father of their children as a bad role model and inconsistent form of support as well. Two of the young mothers that I spent time with had this problem. The first was a young woman who had a son by a distant relative when she was 17 years old. She was living with his family in Nadi, attending a local high school when she became pregnant. She immediately moved back to her own village to live with her parents when she discovered that she was pregnant. She is now a babysitter and struggles to raise her child. She did not tell the father of the child for a few months. He has since come to visit the child once, but she avoids further contact because she is afraid the he might take him away from her. This is entirely possible in Fijian society due to the fact that it is a patrilineal social system where the children automatically belong to the father's family. His parents would like them to get married, but she knows that this is not what she wants in her life and she enjoys her freedom.

Another example where the father is excluded from the child's life occurred with a young woman who became pregnant when she was 23 years old. The child's father was her boyfriend at the time; however, when she realized that she was pregnant she decided to raise the child on her own. She made this decision after she evaluated his alcoholic and violent behavior. She does not allow him to see the child now because she does not want him to have a say in raising the child, and she does not think that he would be a good father. Her parents do not approve of him either, and he is not allowed in the house. He often tries to enter her home when he is drunk, but the village members help to keep him out and her child safe. It is in instances such as these that the mother takes full responsibility of the child because she is worried for her child's safety and she does not want the father's family to take the child away from her. This makes it harder financially because these women cannot take advantage of any child support money. There are few laws supporting child support in Fiji, and often they are not enforced.

These young women are either completely on their own or surviving by the help of their families. In most cases they do not want to get married, and if they did want to they would likely not be able to find a husband that would be a loving father to her children as well. Fijians see children in terms of being the legacy for the father's mataqali (patriline), and other men feel an inherent distance from the children because of this. They find it emotionally difficult to adopt these children as their own. It is in cases such as these that instances of child abuse are more likely to occur, and the obvious way to prevent this would be not to remarry. One young mother stated, "I do not believe that any man would treat my son well enough for me to marry him." Other young mothers are unable to have more children, preventing them from remarrying. Their infertility, in the context of Fijian values, makes things especially hard. Traditionally women are supposed to bear many children to satisfy their husbands; the fact that this woman is not able to have any more due to her first birth at such a young age will make it almost impossible to find a husband. She does not want to go through the embarrassment and is extremely ashamed of her situation. Children are the core of Fijian society, and when you are unable to reproduce, than you can be treated as an outcast, humiliated by the other people in the village. The fact that many men would not allow the children of a woman to enter their marriage also contributes to the problem of leaving them to other family members. In a society where the financial stability of a family is in jeopardy extra children are seen as a burden, and that produces the problem of where to place the children.

Traditional Fijian beliefs are being debated and challenged every day in Fijian society. The fact that single mothers are choosing to raise these children on their own only puts an added strain on traditional values. In a patrilineal society where the children are members of the male line and trace their descent through their father, the fact that these children are growing up without a father figure is unusual and many times challenging. This presents the problem of heritage and family heirs. In Fijian society children automatically have rights into the mataqali and yavusa (clan) of their father. The family is traditionally in the father's village, and the land is passed on to the eldest son or male in the family line. In cases where the children stay with their mother as opposed to their father the children gain fewer rights into a specific mataqali or family lineage and must be accepted into the family line of the mother. This goes against traditional Fijian customs. Although this presents an unfortunate and sometimes complex situation, it is one that has been negotiated by many of the young mothers due to the strong belief that they should raise the children themselves.

A growing discontent with the role of these women in society is producing a range of outcomes for the children, both positive and negative. However, the highly ritualistic features of Fijian society contribute to the integration of these women into society and helps to find a place for the children. In the villages the ceremonies and sevusevus for birth represent the love that Fijians feel toward one another and emphasize the respect they share. The lives of children are valued tremendously and the family members are often willing to help whenever possible. Although these children have to grow up without a father, they are relatively free from abuse and emotional trauma. Single mothers in Fiji are rising in numbers, and whether or not they are accepted into the society will determine the welfare of them and their children.

On to Chapter 3...