SINGLE MOTHERS IN FIJIAN SOCIETY:
SURVIVING AGAINST THE ODDS
by Apryle Pickering

Chapter 3
Widowed and Divorced Mothers

Single mothers in Fijian society include not only the women who have had children out of wedlock, but also those women whose husbands have died and left them alone to raise their children, and women who left the marriage due to domestic abuse or other dramatic circumstances or whose husbands ran off to be with another woman. In conducting interviews with several single mothers coping with situations such as these I have encountered several issues. First, the degree one lives one's life in a public community has a dramatic impact on the shame one feels and the degree of gossip one must endure. The strict emphasis on community in Fiji and the interest people have in each other's lives create a setting in which single mothers must endure severe scrutiny and shame. Second, the fact that Fijian society is patriarchal in its focus also makes it harder for women who have been widowed or divorced to start over again for various reasons. Children have a hard time accepting authority of second fathers or even mothers themselves, as they have been used to following the authority of their own true father. Women have a hard time coping with finances because this is something that was handled by the father. Any future husbands or partners tend to have a hard time accepting previous children into the marriage because of membership into another mataqali, and the pattern of male control in the household makes some widowed or abandoned women less willing to get remarried. Third, tight financial conditions in Fiji also make women's options more limited. However, there are some aspects of Fijian culture that make life a bit easier for them in some ways such as the willingness to help by family members. Due to these characteristics of Fijian culture the experience of single mothers in Fijian society has been dramatically affected.

Fijian culture is based upon a strict sense of community and kinship obligations. The people are responsible for each other's actions, and due to the closeness of a village setting single mothers must endure the attitudes of the other village members and the constant gossip that occurs in such a setting. This does not happen as much for the women who become widows; however, those whose husbands leave them or choose to walk out on their marriage are subject to the constant conversations about their unfortunate situation. Two women that I talked with have circumstances similar to this. One woman had been married to her husband for ten years before she finally left when her second child was born. Her husband was found cheating on her, and she left the marriage to go back to her village where she now lives with her brother and her two children. She stated, "I was much happier when I left and I like life in the village; however, the reason I left is embarrassing to me and I feel ashamed when people speak of it." Another woman was married for three years before she decided that she was not ready to settle and left her husband. She spoke of many fights and was happy that she could get out of an abusive situation. These are not sufficient circumstances for leaving a traditional Fijian marriage, however, and she admitted to being openly disrespected and talked about in a negative manner. Her former husband recently died, and although she was extremely upset, she received little sympathy from the other villagers or family members. In a marriage where the woman is unhappy or suffering abuse, either emotional or physical, I believe they should be allowed to leave and continue their life. This is not always the case in Fiji, and many women are looked down upon, even insulted for doing so.

As well as the disrespect and shame they must endure in the village single mothers in Fijian society must also cope with the sadness of being alone. When a woman's husband dies she often finds herself to be lonely and emotionally drained for a long period of time. Many of the widows that I interviewed discussed how hard it was for them to live without the one they love and described the constant struggle they must endure to raise their children alone. One woman states, "Things are much harder now that my husband has died, I am very lonely and having a hard time." Another woman talks about the troubles she has raising her children and having to discipline them on her own: "Communicating with the children is hard. They do not always listen to what I am telling them because their father was always the one to discipline them." Many times the children grow up to be very disobedient, and their actions show a lack of order in the home. It is these children who have a tendency to get into trouble in school as well as in the household. Another area of concern for these single mothers is the fact that they now have much more responsibility over the household and the family finances. This was a major cause for concern for one woman. She stated, "I have so much more responsibility now. My husband used to take care of all the bills and the handling of money but now I have to do it." The dramatic change that one family must endure when an authority figures tragically passes away is tough on all members of the family and the new atmosphere and issues take a long time to adjust to.

The possibility for these women to remarry and obtain a normal stable lifestyle again is often not an option. In Fijian culture men are not willing to take another man's children into their homes, making the possibility of remarriage almost impossible. This is due to the strict patrilineal system in Fijian society. Children represent the future of their father's patriline, so in many of these situations the men refuse to take another man's child into his home. It presents an extra financial burden as well as an unusable heir. In many cases when the women choose to marry again they must give up their children to other family members in order to start their new life. This is a difficult decision for these women and one that takes a great deal of time and thought in making. If the new husband were willing to take the children into his home then he must treat the children right and not subject them to abuse. One woman stated, "If I get married I do not know what type of husband I will meet and I do not know their reaction to the children. Especially since I have four and if I were to take them with me my husband would struggle financially and they are not his." Another woman stated, "I think that it is much harder to find a husband when you already have children. The men are scared and I have to make sure that he is going to treat my children well. He must be a good father and I would want my children to get along with him." Child abuse in Fiji is most often found in homes where the mother has remarried. These men do not respect the children and so do not treat them as their own. In these cases it leaves the women with the choice of divorce, which would only put her in the position that she started with. Remarriage is not always a solution to the financial hardships that these women are facing.

Another reason widows may be reluctant to remarry is due to the fact that many marriages in Fijian society are strict and oppressive to the women, and the fact that her husband died, although tragic, may be a way out for her. Many couples live with the man's parents, which creates a tense atmosphere for the wife as well as forcing her to do much of the housework, cooking and chores. When a couple builds their own home the woman is still expected to perform all the household duties as well as raise the children. Men in Fijian traditional culture do little work in the home and contribute even less in the raising of their children. Often the only tie one has with one's father is the family heritage. Also, domestic abuse is overwhelmingly common amongst young Fijian couples, and often times the women feels as though she must endure it rather than pursue a shameful divorce. The possibility of freedom is one that looks appealing in many married women's eyes, even if they loved their husbands at one time. One woman stated, "I have so much more freedom now that my husband has passed away and I enjoy it very much. When my husband was alive I have to always be home when he told me to and make sure that the cooking and housework was always done. Now I can do what ever I want, and cook whenever I choose to or just for my children." This new freedom influences many women into not marring again even though they are struggling to make ends meet. There is also the fact that many women would not betray their deceased husbands and choose not to remarry due to their undying love for their husband. This was the case with one interview I had. The woman stated, "I am not in the mode of getting married again, I loved my husband and I would never leave my children behind." The growing concept of individuality that arises from Western culture is now being introduced into Fijian society. These women are not afraid to raise their children alone, however difficult it may be. This is an aspect of Fijian culture that is changing more and more every day although the economic situation in this third world country does not provide support for such circumstances.

The tight financial conditions that the Fijian economy and specific cultural circumstances have placed on these women are unfortunate as well. They make single mothers' options more limited and force them to rely on family members for support. This was the case of one woman I was able to interview. She is living on her own; however, she is struggling to put her children through school and has to find other sources of money. She lives alone with her children and is currently unemployed herself. She normally does her housework and goes fishing during the day but cannot do most of the hard labor in the fields. For this her son must help her but now that he has finished high school he would like to go on to further education. Since his help is needed at home it is not possible. Her daughter received money from a children's school fund for her education; however, they must do some baking and sell handicrafts to raise extra money. Sometimes they may receive money when their husbands pass away but this is never very much and in this case it could not be of much assistance. The woman explains, "It was not a big sum because nowadays the prices of everything are so high. I tell my children that I do not need to buy anything in the house because I am waiting for the chance for you people to work and buy things for the house, all I need to do is to give the money for education." Education is valued extensivley in Fijian society and the need for the children to obtain funds to do so is tremendous. Many times they must apply for the use of school funds and welfare; however, these attempts can be futile, and most often the main outlet for support is other family members. One woman stated, "My elder brother has been very helpful. He is working at a good job and has always been willing to help us out when we need it." This aspect of phenomenal Fijian hospitality is a prominent tradition among the people and the willingness to help family members whenever possible is impressive.

Whether a woman chooses to live with her family after her husband dies or attempts to make it on her own, life is hard. Fortunatly, tight family bonds make their situation a bit easier to deal with. I was able to speak with a few women who were able to rely on their family members for support, and they had great insight into both its advantages and disadvantages. When a woman moves back in with her parents or another family member she has to succumb to that lifestyle and she loses the freedom she may have once held. Most times the women enjoy being back in the village with their family members, but they would prefer to live in their own home and raise their children alone. This is almost never possible financially. One woman explains, "I like living in the village but I would prefer to live in my own rather than with my parents. I do not think that I have enough privacy now and if I ever had the chance I would build my own home." This is the case for many widows in the villages. There were a few cases where the women were able to stay in their homes and raise their children on their own; however, it did require some support from other family members. One woman explained how she lived alone for six months when her husband passed away, moved in with her parents, then moved back to her mother's village to live on her own again with her children. She stated, "When I was living in the city where I had lived with my husband. I was lonely, I had friends but no close family members to talk to. In the village I now feel safe and secure as well as having the freedom to live on my own." Many women tend to realize the importance of their family members when such a traumatic experience occurs. They rely on their family for emotional as well as financial support, and the village is where they are happiest. The circumstances with this particular woman were extraordinary, however, because she was able to move into a vacant house that her parents owned which would not normally happen in Fijian culture. There are few vacant houses, and many women would not be able to support themselves on their own. This is why the support from family is of great importance to the well being of these women and their children.

The experience of single mothers in Fijian society is greatly influenced by characteristics of Fijian culture. The village community and curiosity into each other's lives increases the level of shame that these women feel and forces them to endure intense scrutiny from other villagers. The patrilineal system and focus on patriarchy prevents them from succeeding as well. In a male dominated society where lineage is passed through father and son, there is no place for a woman to raise her children on her own. The children second guess her authority, and the ability of the woman to cope financially is hindered. Men are also reluctant to take on someone else's children, making the possibility for remairrage difficult. Also women often enjoy their freedom and do don't see remarrying as beneficial. These aspects of Fijian culture as well as the economic instability of the country make the lives of these women difficult, sometimes impossible, and the fact that they can rely on their family members for support is often the only reason they are able to manage.

On to Chapter 4...