Dean of Students
by Ricky Reiss, Director of Student Conduct and Conflict Resolution, November 2025
When students return home for break, they finally have the time and space to breathe, reflect, and process their first months on campus. In that quiet, the experiences that once felt like “small annoyances” can begin to feel much larger and more significant. This period of reflection is both natural and important — it’s how students make sense of their growth, challenges, and evolving independence.
As a parent, guardian, or family member, your support during this time can make a tremendous difference. Your student may come home full of mixed emotions — pride, frustration, exhaustion, or uncertainty — and will look to you for understanding and reassurance.
Here are some ways to navigate those meaningful conversations, de-escalate tense moments, and help your student feel heard, understood, and supported while you guide them toward healthy next steps.
Start with Listening, Not Fixing
Probably the most challenging part of most parents’, or educators’, jobs. When your student begins sharing, resist the urge to jump into problem-solving mode. Instead, focus on truly listening. Let them talk through what they’re feeling. Sometimes, this is the first chance they’ve had to do it with someone they trust completely. On some occasions, this is all they may need. I like to ask gentle, open-ended questions like: “Can you tell me more about that?” or “What’s been the hardest part for you?”
Validate What They’re Feeling
Even if you don’t fully agree with their view of the situation, or every detail they are sharing, acknowledge their emotions. Simple statements like, “That sounds really frustrating,” or “I can see why you’d feel that way,” or even “that sucks” can help them calm down and feel supported. Validation can go a long way, and doesn’t mean you’re agreeing. It simply shows empathy and helps your student feel seen and supported. Speak however would be authentic to you and your relationship with your student.
Stay Calm When Emotions Run High
It’s not uncommon for emotions to spill over when a student comes home tired or overwhelmed. The best thing you can do is try to stay calm for them. If emotions start to rise:
-Model calm behavior. Speak slowly, keep your voice even, and use relaxed body language.
-Avoid mirroring their frustration. Your calm presence helps them regulate their own emotions.
-Take breaks when needed. You might say, “I want to give this conversation the attention it deserves — can we take a few minutes and come back to it?”
Help Them Reflect, Not Just React
Help your student think through what they’ve experienced instead of reacting to it. Once they are able to process emotions with you, then you can help your student start to think through what they’ve learned from the experience, then identify any needs they still have. Start with questions to encourage self-awareness and problem-solving without making your student feel judged or pressured. Some helpful questions to ask questions could be:
-“What do you think you learned from this?”
-“What might you do differently next term?”
-“What do you still need to feel like the next term will be a success?”
Encourage Connections and Guide Them Toward Campus Support
Remind your student that they’re not alone. There are people and spaces on campus ready to help. Encourage them to reach out to advisors, counseling services, cultural centers, or faith-based groups that align with their values and experiences. If the concern seems to be, but specific, they can reach out to offices on campus that may be a good spot to start for support. Such as: Class Deans, Wicker Wellness, Office of Community Standards, and Office of Residential Education.
Encourage them to reach out, but let them take the lead so they build confidence and self-advocacy skills. If they express frustration about a specific issue, help them identify one concrete next step they can take when they return to campus. Coming back to campus for the next term can feel easier if they have at least one step they can take toward a solution.
End with Encouragement
Finally, remind your student of how far they’ve come. Celebrate the independence, resilience, and insight they’ve developed this term. Growth often comes through challenges, which can be uncomfortable. But your support gives them the confidence to continue that journey.
These conversations aren’t about solving every problem. They’re about helping your student feel grounded, capable, and supported as they grow. What they need most is your steady reassurance that they are capable of handling what comes next, and that you’re always in their corner.
